i was just reading

not a book or anything, silly.  a blog.  i was just reading meaghan’s post about only wanting to die in a certain way that you outgrow when you’re not like, in junior high anymore. it made me laugh (out loud)  and then it made me sad because I was thinking how heavy things feel to be an adult too.  and probably when i’m an older adult, I’ll think how easy those times were when i thought things were tough - i’ll look back and laugh or think i had it really good back when i was 27.  or NOT.  who knows.

and it’s not like you don’t want to die anymore, it’s just different.  and I don’t mean that in a serious way, like i wanna die and you should be worried about me, just like things are hard no matter what. whoa this is getting existential or something serious.

life is hard and i know that’s obvious but sometimes you just have to say it to make yourself feel better, right?

reading meaghan’s post and thinking back, i think I probably thought i MIGHT die when i was 15 because my boyfriend dumped me.  that was pretty bad.  things got dark and real heavy for a while and my poor parents had to put up with me being sad about my 15 year old romance which is beyond me thinking about that now… anyway, but now me and this guy, we’re friends and we talk all the time and it’s great and that seems silly that I was once so distraught over the whole thing.  it’s amazing what 12 years can do to your life.  mostly just give you more stress and work and responsibilities and problems but it can also do good things like mend some broke down relationships and broken hearts too.  i don’t know where this post is going but it feels nice to blog a little and get something down in writing.